1. What they say on television is true: "Anything you say can be used against you in a courtroom". Now is not the time to have that emotional explosion, as the consequences can be long term.

2. You can keep your legal fees down if you follow the schedule and get the documents quickly. Organize the papers before you bring them into the office, and make us a full set for our use only so we do not need to copy them or bill you for that.

3. You can keep your legal fees down if you differentiate between emotional telephone calls to your lawyer, or business telephone calls to your lawyer. Make the emotional calls to your counselor or your family, not the lawyer because we bill for time. You can keep your fees down if you try to act as courteously as possible to your spouse, no matter where you see them, or with whom you see them. You can keep your fees down if you think of the divorce as a partnership dissolution - not all emotion but division of a business that generated houses, cars, pensions and kids.

4. Remember, the person you hate so much, was once the center of your universe. Let's try to be somewhat fair about it. It is not a fifty-fifty state, but figure out why fifty-fifty is not fair, before we begin a war.

5. Your kids belong to both of you. Parenting time belongs to the kids. A few minutes or hours one way or the other will not have nearly the impact of spending their college fund in court.

6. Give the kids a break. Keep your new sweetheart private for about a year, until they have settled into new family dynamics. And if they meet the new sweetheart too soon, they will hate that person and blame that person for breaking up their parents, and you will only have more trouble.

7. Expect the other side to obey the orders. If they threaten, they will go to jail first, relax. Jail is a fine place for such an attitude. We can handle it.

8. You will see your children, no matter what the other side threatens, unless there are serious child related crimes involved. No judge will take away parental rights, they just divide time between you both. Try not to get frustrated over fifteen minutes, or half of a holiday - see the big picture and know your kids are your kids, forever.

9. The financial devastation of a divorce is usually temporary. The money that was intended to support one household now needs to support two households. No court order or high powered lawyer can make the money go further. Everyone needs to tighten the belt.

10. There are financial guidelines for payment of child support. There are financial guidelines for payment of temporary maintenance, but none for long term spousal maintenance. We can show you the schedules when we meet. All the lawyers and the judges have the same schedules.

11. Your lawyer is on your side. Sometimes that means telling you the truth, and working through the problems to a solution, and encouraging compromise. If you are not hearing what you want to hear, it may nonetheless be true. Give it some time to sink in, before you discard a suggestion.

12. A court hearing is a last resort. Our judges, however fair, do not know you or your children or your family situation. You are better able to resolve the problems outside of the court if at all possible.

13. If we go to court, we go to win. You will be taught how to treat the court and the system with respect, by proper clothing, demeanor and testimony. And the court will treat you with respect. We will go prepared.